A Cocktail of Emotions
APRIL'S SUMMARY AND HOPES FOR MAY.
Howdy Comrade, its been a hot minute.
Happy New Month!!
How are you? How was your April?
I've been viewing people's April dumps and it's been so wholesome being privy to tidbits of other people's lives; the things that excited them and everything in between.
I apologise for not writing to you last month, it was a rollercoaster of a month and here's why:
ON THE PRECIPICE OF INSANITY
“Why do I deserve the good things I have?” “Why does it feel like I'm the only one that bad things happen to?”
On the days I shuffled between the two extremes of these thoughts — which was on most days— I didn't hesitate to accept outstretched hands willing to pull me out of drowning waters. This was a somewhat new experience for me, so for anyone out there who, like me, who finds it difficult to ask for and accept help, this is a reminder that it is easier with people, good people. Let people be there for you.
There were days that the battle had to be personal, where I had to extend grace to myself for falling short (read as not getting the results I expected last semester and relapsing on the plans I had to be more social physically.)
NOBODY IS COMING TO SAVE YOU
I saw this phrase on a particular person's whatsapp status more times than I can count last month, and I unconsciously internalised it and interpreted it thus: “Even if you get the help that you need, read all self help books, and whatnot, change and to take steps you take towards it, is ultimately up to you. You have the choice to implement all the things you've learnt, to deeply dissect your experiences, cut and stitch them into a more beautiful tapestry of your life; you have the choice to do it with grace, and with love and with care, creativity and passion.”
IS IT COFFEE?
Per my undesired results, I developed a slight dependence on coffee to reduce my shut-eye period so I could squeeze in more reading time.
The result? At first I was frazzled, then I noticed the hyperactivity. So anytime I was happy I didn't know if it was natural or as a result of my coffee intake.
A WELL MANAGED DOWN-SLIDE
When you're so used to getting something it's easy to gloss over it's importance even if it's unintentional.
There were a number of losses last month, I don't know how or when but I realised that I didn't have to hate myself for every single mistake I make. Last month I faced my Ls and told them I was going to turn them to Ws as opposed to crying marathons with sad music and lots of pity parties. I'd say this was what I enjoyed most about April.
Anyway, out with the old, in with the new. This happens to be my birthmonth and I think I'm super psyched. Here's to hoping that birthday blues doesn’t take the reins soon.
I wish you a fruitful, productive and joy-filled May, dear Comrade. I hope you encounter love, joy and peace in all the right places and with all the right people.
Happy New Month once again.
Melody For Us:
Super large P.S: Shout out to all the new subscribers, I see you and I appreciate you clicking that subscribe button.
Till I write to you again, Dear Comrade
Stay Jiggy.
With love and all things good, Zee ✌🏾
I hope you have a great month too!