Life lately...

in paragraphs.

Howdy, Comrade.

How have you been?

How's life generally with you? (Shoutout to Debbie for this one, now I can't get it out of my head.)

I know I was supposed to be in your inbox weeks ago, but let’s just pretend I didn't miss it since I’m here now, yeah? Yeah.

First, I'm so psyched to be in your face again.

Why? Exams.

It was one month of sleepless nights and reading marathons, but it wasn’t all bad because I learned some things during that period and thought to share them with you.

As the curtain falls on the first quarter of the year, I'm pretty sure some people are already going over the goals and resolutions they set at the beginning of the year. I am some people, some people is me. I didn’t set any goal other than the usual “Be better this year, Zehisa.” This might seem lax compared to the standard goal-setting metrics, but for now, it works for me, especially because as I stated in my last letter, I started this year tired.

Now back to the lessons:

1. As cliché as it may sound, preparation is important. Always be prepared.

   I cannot even begin to describe the effects playing catch up with my academics had on me because I decided to procrastinate.

2. If you don't rest, your body will take it by force.

3. As complex and dense as we humans are, our core is fluid and subject to emotions, what sets us apart is the level of drive we possess and our idiosyncracies.

   We're all puppets of change.

   I found myself responding to situations in ways I swore I never would. I rewatched Akeela And The Bee, and I was reminded of the reason I am yet to do certain things I thought I would have done by now, thanks to this quote:

   Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

   Marianne Williamson

Every time I find myself procrastinating my accountability post for the skill I’m currently learning, I know it is just the fear of failing holding me back.

I tend to be pessimistic; I had this epiphany when my friends and I wanted to get access to a place, and without even trying, I had already said it wouldn't work.

As I turned my back to walk away, right there and then, I realized how those little negative thoughts had compounded in my head and taken control, it had become my default mode.

For this reason, when I complete a course or gain a skill, I won't implement what I have learned, let alone advertise my services. I always think to myself: “Who am I to know this or have this?”, “Am I worthy of this skill or certification?”

It is the reason my LinkedIn profile is still not optimized.

It is the reason my certifications stay in my drive: I'm too scared of letting people know my abilities, for fear that I would fail if trusted with a task or job.

It’s why I sometimes avoid taking up leadership positions and participating in class or group discussions.

There are so many experiences where I — not even other people — have shrunk myself almost to nothingness because I didn't feel worthy enough.

I don’t know if you ever feel this way, Comrade, but if this resonates with you, I'd say this is your cue to let that feeling go. Allow yourself to take space, you matter, and you deserve everything good that happens to you. Stop doubting your goodness.

I haven’t completely rid myself of these not-so-good feelings. I am gradually embracing the whole of me, accepting more tasks, jobs, and referrals, building more meaningful relationships, and speaking up more often. Furthermore, I'm learning to fail forward, I hope you embrace it too.

4. We all have principles, and theories we don’t believe in. Every so often, we meet people who do not share similar views, which could be a dealbreaker in some relationships.

   I used to be scared of letting people go. My God! I was so against the idea of people, especially friends, outgrowing each other. It didn't make sense to me that someone you’ve shared countless memories with would gradually slip away from you until one day you realize you’re now strangers.

   It angered me as much as it hurt me, and I found myself sometimes holding on too tightly to relationships that didn’t serve any purpose except to drain me.

   I know better now, so it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to if I notice a break in a relationship when I refuse to do something morally wrong.

   If you are doing the right thing, Comrade, stay true to it.

---

I hope the rest of March turns out great for you.

Melody For Us:

A friend recommended this song and I just had to share it with you.

Enjoy.

Till I write to you again dear comrade.

Stay jiggy ✌🏾

P.S: My friend and I later got access to the place, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

P.P.S: Did you also experience network issues on your end?